Opinion

Of Cross Generational and Transactional Sexual Relation

      I recently found myself in an uncomfortable situation this past week with a group of friends, female at that. I had sought them out to get a female perspective on a matter that I have been pondering for a while now…Why do girls get offended when they don’t receive something from a guy who has expressed genuine interest in them?

I held the opinion that if a girl felt humiliated or disrespected if she received nothing from a guy she was seeing that made the relationship more or less a transaction especially following a sexual encounter. Prostitution is viewed as a socially unacceptable behavior but- you are free to engage me here- didn't overt pre or post coital exchanges amount to the very same? Perhaps on a minor scale but aren't a spade and a spoon used for the very same purpose, scooping?

Could the reason why exchanging gifts was not seen as prostitution be because gifts are not handed or accepted at every date or sexual encounter? Is that reason enough to conclude that the exchange does not constitute prostitution?

Here is a little story along the same line.

On one of my rare visits into town I sat next to this girl, now as much as that is a rarity to me I didn't pay much attention to her. Not even in instances when the vehicle swerved as the driver tried often in futile attempts to avoid the all so common potholes and she was thrown against me.

I was jolted out of my reverie as she spoke into my ear, “This is me”. She had reached her stop.

That was when I noticed her, there by the roadside resonating her glamour all over the surrounding, looking so delicate and full of intricacies. Her black polished exterior glinting in the setting sun. She was a beauty to behold, parked on the side of the asphalt, but seemingly occupying it in its entirety. A black Mercedes Benz model C200, the aesthetic of just saying the name made you shudder. But the effect didn't last long though.

My awe was replaced almost instantaneously by revulsion, revulsion at the man that stepped out to meet the girl. While his car suggested he was rich and belonging to the upper class, he had a gangling physique that spoke of hard times past. Where once there most certainly had a mane of black hair his scalp held traces of silver hair on a balding patch. There was a heavy and tired expression on his eyes .With a black leather jacket, khaki pants and finishing the look with dark tan loafers, he could easily pass for the girl’s father, basing on his look that was my first surmise. But the manner in which he held on when the girl reached up to hug him made me think again, you would too if an old man was busy groping an ass instead of thinking of his burial site or drawing up his will.

I wondered what drove girls towards Cross Generational Relationships despite it being such high risk behaviour. Risky because of the imbalance of power in the relationship young girls will not be able to negotiate condom or contraception use when engaging in sexual encounters, hence the engendered risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections, unintended pregnancies and bearing the brunt of HIV and AIDS. And yet young women account for a harrowing 60% of those living with HIV and AIDS in sub Saharan Africa and statistics show that young women 15 to 24 years of age are three times more likely to be infected with HIV than young men the same age.

So what is their motivation? Why do young women and girls engage in these activities? Is it to satisfy security and economic needs? Is it because they are left with no choice?

A decline in traditional societal structures has led to a decrease in family control over the behavior of young people as well as a gap in young women’s knowledge of sexual and reproductive .Parents are not engaging their children in conversations about their sexuality. The crucial role of sexual educators has been transferred to the formal education system which does little due to its centrality on examinations but most of all girls’ peers who encourage such behavior  Traditional myths and misconceptions also encourage older men to prefer younger girls who are perceived to be free of from HIV.

However the greatest motivator of cross generation sexual relations is arguably poverty, poverty makes young girls vulnerable to exploitation, even in instances when there is no abject poverty the transactional nature draws them to readily available goods. In instances where poverty is in the picture the drivers could be primary needs like life maintenance; school fees, shoes, uniforms or survival(needs, food, housing)especially in institutions of higher learning help to cater for tuition, living expenses, university housing clothes and food is essential. This does not leave out those that seek material comfort; gifts, niceties or emotional security, love, pleasure and social status. Young educated white collar females especially seek financial security and social mobility. Partners help to network, meet prestigious people and establish themselves in an occupation or career or to secure employment or promotion.

Young naive girls are often flattered by older men’s interest as they can provide with money non essentials or “luxuries” i.e. nice clothes, soap, make up, perfume, jewellery and modern hairstyles which in often cases parents are unwilling to foot. The girls also get to show their friends that they have boyfriends and are sexually active building their social status among peers.

Despite the risks involved, a majority are fully aware of the consequences of their indulgences and throw caution to the wind. Sheer love is secondary or none at all so the only incentive is material benefit. The girls realise that the only thing keeping the man in the relationship is the regular access to sex, domestic help in instances where the male is unmarried or not cohabiting with wife and enhancement of prestige and that he has no intention of pursuing paternity once the partner becomes pregnant.

The girls will thus still hold on to their younger or main boyfriends and see the CGR to help improve her image and attractiveness or help her gain sexual experience, making her more desirable. Apart from putting their younger boyfriends in harm’s way as most sexual partners demand total fidelity and severing of all ties with their previous boyfriends, this creates a network of multiple sexual partners that furthers the chances of spreading HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.

As an approach to curb these relationships, focus should be put on evaluating social and gender norms. Norms that encourage female passivity to male aggression should be admonished. These increase the imbalance of power in relationships and often lead to lack of total control in making decisions due to a perception of inferiority. Making women appear secondary to men makes the young girls vulnerable to approaches by older men.

By Allan Mungai